Bark..Whimper. Meow...Attack?

Today I was at the gym, when the ever so common subject of comparing men to dogs and women to cats came to mind. Before I get into it, let me start by stating my positions on both the canine and feline species as they are. And yes...some man's behavior at the gym is what started this whole thing.

I LOVE dogs! Big, little, fat, skinny, hairy, bald, slobbery, saggy, I love all dogs. Despite their shedding, neediness, inability to be self sufficient, and all other things, my love still prevails. (Sort of like my love for men, but we'll address that later)

On the other hand, I hate cats...very much so. They are sneaky, moody, fickle, and unreliable. I hate when they are in the same room, in bed with me, staring at me from afar, I mean I just don't like them. (Not exactly like my feelings toward women, but I've definitely met my share of feline-like twats in my day)

In relation to actual men and women, I do think there are some striking similarities that can be drawn, just by shrewd observation. For example, men tend to be the less self-sufficient of the sexes. I mean really, is it that hard for you to know how to do your own laundry, and properly Swiffer a floor? Or, wait let me guess because you are sooooo focused on being the best lawyer, doctor, engineer, etc. etc. you can be, you can't possibly multi-task and actually urinate into the huge hole of water, or for that matter shake when you are done.

I will liken my previous example to the teachings of puppies. Much like men, puppies can only focus on 1 thing at a time. First you have to get them potty trained, but don't try to teach them tricks at the same time! You'll end up with a dog who can roll over while he pees, but who's incapable of doing either separately.

Dogs have a reputation for being the fierce protectors of the 2 species. Loyal, kind, aggressive when necessary. Man's best friend...I wonder why? I happen to think contrary to this ideal. You see, dogs may appear to be tough at first ;what with the gristly exterior, the sharp canines, the rough growl, but have you ever called a dog on his bluff? Most dogs bark, but if you call them on it, buck at them, or even try to kill them with kindness, they are putty in your hands. My thought is dogs bark, but then they whimper.

Let's move on to cats, kitty, kitty, cats. Cats are very independent animals, to the point that its easy to deem them as "users", using people for affection only when they feel like it, but turning away when someone needs it from them. Cats are content to curl up under you, and purr in your ear, just so they can get that behind the head massage, then go back under the bed. Let you come after a hard day's work and really need a big meow from your pal, she's nowhere to be found, too busy licking itself, or just doesn't give a damn to move. This makes them completely unreliable, and not very good friends.

Cats do keep it real though. They are the true bitches. A cat will warn you with a meow or if you're lucky a hiss. But rest assured a good scratch attack is sure to follow soon thereafter. There is no bluff about it, cats meow then attack! But hey, at least you had a good idea that it was coming...

Perhaps there are some that think my observations are callous, one-sided, or biased. I never wrote these things to be fact, as there is a margin of error for every set of research data. I can only go off what I have actually observed and experienced. Maybe if we humans used less common animals as house pets such as goats and monkeys, then this entire study would be completely debunked? Who's to say that both a goat and a monkey would fit into either role? Would a goat be docile, and a monkey not simply go ape-shit? I'm not sure, but for now I'm content to continue to let my untrained, slobbery, mutt get closer than that hussy cat down the street.