Why is she so....

Angry: because of the hand she was dealt. Her entire life she's been playing catch-up, still only to be in the outfield.

Non-committal: because not even her own blood could commit to loving her for a lifetime, so why would she commit to anything?

Sad: because she is alone, not the kind that can be remedied by online dating, but the kind that lasts forever. The kind that you're either born with or without.

Driven: because when you're alone, procrastination can be deadly, so being driven is your only option

Loyal: because her "friends" are her family and when she actually grants you this title, it's meant to be for life..

This thing called life is sometimes to heavy to carry all by myself. My neighbor yesterday asked me why I was carrying my fridge up the stairs without help, I could only reply "because I'm alone, I have no help". Just because I'm strong doesn't mean I'm not fragile also. I'm tired of being called pretty, beautiful, sexy, all these empty terms that may as well be insults if there are no actions that support them. The Rabbi asked me what I feel about family, I told him I know nothing of it. Attempts at re-creating that feeling I think you get from family (what I gathered from TV) have failed miserably.

I'm tired, exhausted even, wish I could just float in a sea of happiness not littered with lies, pretention, deceit. Humble is as humble does, but at some point humble gets run over. If I've ever told you I hate you, its because at that very moment I actually did.

My rambling is not from a place of sickness but rather a place of nothingness. All people fail me, and I should only be so lucky to one day meet someone who doesn't actually make it a point to.