It doesn't pay to be a "good girl"

Recently while watching an episode of "Real Housewives of Atlanta" I watched a woman who has made it clear she only dates men with considerable wealth, and is currently screwing a married man, receive an engagement ring set larger than the bed I sleep in, from her married lover.

That's when it finally hit me- it doesn't pay to be a "good girl".

What is a good girl you ask? Well, because I'm in a very frank sort of mood I'll just go ahead and say it; I'm a good girl!

I've never dated married men, men who are in relationships, never cheated on any of the losers I've lost time to, never taken another ladies crush all to myself, hell- for years I had a rule that if we hadn't reached a certain level of connection, there would be no reaching in the cookie jar!

What do I have to show for it all? Nothing. I have no rings, necklaces, bracelets. No dried-up dead flowers from former lovers. No uneaten box of chocolates from a secret tryst. No receipts from T-Mobile, Citibank, or my landlord from him having paid a bill in kindness. No love letters stashed away in a shoebox. I don't even have the requisite stuffed animal from the one that got away.

I have been a devout "good girl" my whole life, and I have nothing tangible to show for it. All I have is a muddled hope for what my eternity may be like. A scripture or 2 promising that if I keep up this "good girl" show, I will have a very bright future...in death.

What about those girls who are having a good time, instead of being a "good girl"? They seem to be living for the moment, and absorbing in all the richness of simply doing what you want when you want. Meanwhile, I live with my lack thereof. All of my "good girl" behavior having left me broke and perhaps a tad broken....

I realize my birthday is 4 weeks away, and I won't have that box of chocolates, those tulips, that necklace, that love letter, nothing from "him", whoever he is.

My thoughts are inching towards dipping a toe or two into inequity. Pull a few 1 nighters, use my handbag to cover his wedding band, laugh at his jokes because I know he will pay for a new dress, boost his ego so that I boost my collection of french lace unmentionables.

I want to be a filthy, dirty, bad girl.