So much anger in me it feels like life is being choked from my body. Normal feelings like hunger, cold, hot, etc.. have been replaced with rage, nausea, disbelief, sadness. I can't comprehend how the human mind works, how one is able to convince themselves that they are a good person deserving of good people in their life.
Even with all of the loss and emptiness I've experienced in my brief 20 something years on earth, I have never proclaimed to care about someone, pull them in closer (even when they are fighting against it), get them warmed up to me, then simply disappear from their lives without so much as a "go fuck yourself". I have enough manners to tell you that you are no longer welcome in my life.
I feel that with each blink of my eyes I'm staving off the red rage that I am feeling deep behind them. With each short breath I take, I'm gasping in what I thought was the truth. The past 7 months snaking their way back up my throat, my mouth filled with bile and bitter defeat.
This loud music can't get loud enough, the aching in my ears fails in comparison to what lies in my onyx, marbled heart.
Dramatic? Yes, of course..look up the definition: sudden, affecting, emotional, powerful, vivid...
You hate someone whom you really wish to love, but whom you cannot love. Perhaps he himself prevents you. That is a disguised form of love- Sri Chinmoy
With that said I Love You
