A Different Kind of Pretty Woman

Sometimes I simply don't feel pretty enough. Enough for what you ask, I wish I could answer.

I don't think I've ever come across a peer who holds themselves in a higher regard than I do. My entire life I was seasoned to take a licking and keep on ticking, and I put that determination into every segment of my being. Falling off a curb and while still on the ground with my knee bleeding, my grandmother would just look back over her shoulder and tell me to hurry up and pull myself together because crying wasn't going to make it go away.

Skinny Minnie, Olive Oyl, Pumpkin Head, China Doll, all nicknames from relatives to make fun of a fragment of my young physique. However, when I left the home it was quite the opposite. Strangers on the street would come over and ask my grandmother about me, and lavish endless compliments on little "China Doll". All those years of teasing at home built a protective shell around my esteem, and I just decided that I would 'be' and 'act' beautiful, and therefore it would be true.

Fast forward to adult Pumpkin Head, and I have that same shell, same truth inside of me. There is absolutely nothing anyone can tell me to diminish the esteem I hold for my physical or mental presence. I often think this is a double-edged sword I have to contend with. On one hand its a yay- girl power, Susan B. Anthony type thing, and on the other hand is the idea of me resting on my "laurels".

I'm not the woman who can't leave the house without a made-up face, or who can't go out without at least 1 item of makeup on, but sometimes I wish I were. I wish I had that drive or motivation to want to look my absolute best each and every day. Instead, I simply wakeup and hope for the best with what I was given. Perhaps this is why I am single, but then why am I able to procure so many dates?

At times I've even made goals for myself like "I will wear mascara everyday" or "I will at least wear tinted moisturizer daily" but the best I've done so far is wear SPF everyday- my derm loves me!

I don't know where the line between being comfortable with natural beauty and being lazy blurs, but I think I've reached it. I need to work on becoming a different kind of pretty woman.