People always want to know why I move so much. Literally, if I'm not moving state to state, its city to city, house to house, job to job; in the likeness of a hermit crab, I take on whatever new thing that fits me best.
A lot of people actually express admiration of me, saying that I am "brave", "adventuresome", and "crazy but amazing" because of my ability to just set my sights on a change, then make it happen.
The real truth is, I am none of the above. I am merely living my existence as an etc...
I am an etc..., I will never be nothing more; because in this world I only have those who I can call friends, and not family. I will always be simply someone's etc... No matter the bond between myself and a friend, in the end I know that when it all comes down I am not a member of the family, therefore I am a very replaceable, extinguishable, etc...
When I was a child every night like a "good Christian girl" bruises on my torso, knots on my forehead, I would kneel before God and beg for a pronoun in the form of a sister, mother, anyone who would make me a love of their life.
Now that I'm an adult every night I take a moment "like a good studying Buddhist" scars from those bruises and knots still on my body, and I acknowledge what I can't change in others, and what I can change in myself. -but that doesn't stop the hurt.
It hurts to realize that I can and will lose every single friend I have to their families, because I already have. The weekends "at home" the dinners, the calls, the emails, texts, and even Facebook messages-there is no contest.
Every crowning glory moment to every lower than low point I've lost you to "them" and weathered it all on my lonesome.
But I can't be mad at you for this , and I'm not. I just want to be a part of it. I want to be more than just an etc... I want to feel so much a part of someone, that I won't want to be that "adventuresome", "brave" hermit who moves a lot, I'll only want to be close to my pronoun....my friend, my family.
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