Dating on Speed..Better known as Speed Dating

Just a few observations from my recent trip into the land of the seemingly desperate (or adventurous depending on how you look at it) super blind dating..on crack.

1) Don't knock it until you've tried it. Yes, I am in the latter group of adventurers, and will try almost anything at least once. However, now that I've tried it please believe me I am knocking..and knocking loud!!!

2) Don't go in with low expectations or high expectations, go in with the mentality of a person who is embarking on a evening at the comedy club. This way you will be plenty prepared for the laughs that will ensue.

3) For the man from Russia who looks like a walking advertisement for "self-bronzer..now available in flaming orange!", yes I am American, and yes I do have a background and a culture. Where the hell do you live where Americans, (particularly Black Americans) have no culture or background? When I tell you I am Black, American, Creole, at least feign intelligence. Don't reply "Oh, from Africa?". Just 2 minutes ago I was culture-less. I did not appreciate having to school your old, dumb ass on a little timeline of World History, that included Spain, France, Haiti, and the U.S., which led up to the Louisiana Purchase. Next time excuse yourself and go the men's room and google it on your phone!

4) For the man who sat with his body leaned sooooo close into mine, you would have thought there were magnets attracting in our foreheads, back up!
Have you never heard of personal space? We are at a table for 2, in a private room. I do not need the heat from your breath moistening the blush on my cheeks.
Also, don't you dare ask me about why I am still single! What kind of "Idiot's Guide to Getting Ignored" have you been studying? The reason I am still single is because of men like you. There is no amount of desperation in my soul that will allow for me to settle with someone like you...no amount!

5) The guy from Brazil with the thing on his face, don't worry about "What I Do". I do a lot of things like eat candy in vintage lingerie, dance on top of my bed like a child, and organize my medicine cabinet by most desirable products of the moment. Those things will give you more insight into my personality, than knowing that I'm a Web Analyst. Hell, most people don't even know what that is!

6) The man from Long Island, Living in Long Island, Working in Long Island. Seriously? You are already in your late 40's, what's wrong? Are you afraid of flying? Are you afraid of meeting someone with a different accent other than a New Yawk one? Better yet, why are you teaching high school swim at a high school in Long Island.
Ok, maybe there's nothing wrong with this, but I've got a lot of life to live, and its not going to be in Long Island! I like adventure and travel, a trip to Ruby Tuesdays does not count.

7) The guy who asks me what I like in men...I tell you, then you ask me if I like to make out passionately? What the hell, are you 10 years old dying to know what a kiss feels like?
Who asks these sort of things? By the way, if we are not actually making out passionately already, then the answer to your question is " no I do not, not with you".

8) Last but not least the guy from Bulgaria. Sweet enough, but clueless beyond belief. I overheard him ask the event organizer if he could also trade emails with some of the guys he met.
Sweetie, this is not an audition for Bromance, if you want some guy friends grab a beer at a local bar, and shoot the breeze about sports with the rest of them. Don't go to an event to meet women, and inquire about the men.

All in all, I did have a comical time. Drinks were really strong, and only $4, and I got to walk off my experience through the streets of Soho, LES, and West Village
while contemplating my next drink. Good Times!