9/4/04

same ole' stuff

So i'm sitting in my apartment wondering why it is that i'm 22, single, intelligent, funny, open-minded, and I'm alone here. I can't stop wondering if its something i'm doing wrong to ward off any friendships or relationships with men and women. However, I feel that I am not the problem seeing as though i've lived in several different states before, and I have close friends in all of them. I make friends everywhere I go, except for here. Men find me desirable everywhere I go, except here. So I sit here at 5pm on a holiday weekend, drinking wine, listening to love songs, and dreaming of happiness somewhere or with someone. People are saying not to be pessimistic but, i'm not. I'm merely realistic, more so than the average person. I fine it so dis-heartening to sit and think about someone who doesn't want you. I can't stop my head from spinning, my heart from shriveling, my blood from coming to a complete stop.....