6/15/06

So today after sleeping off a nice amount of flavored martini's from the previous night, I had the recurring dream of shopping at my favorite department store Nordstrom. This dream of mine has remained unfilled since moving here to NYC last August, mainly because of what I can only deem a hostile takeover by the "world's largest Macy's" and the 3 B's (Bergdorf, Barney's, and Bloomie's), not to mention Sak's, Lord & Taylor, and every other store in the free world all on this 13 mile piece of land!!! With that said, I decided today was the day for me to leave the island, and go the distance for my love. A search for stores in New York only returned 3 locations, all somewhere on the way to Long Island, or another place equally foreign to me. I tried neighboring states, and found that New Jersey had a few locations that might interest me, and be somewhat local on public transportation. After conducting exhaustive research on my journey, I decided to head off to the Short Hills mall (Paramus was closed; to which I say what mall is closed on Sunday?) Filled with excitement I headed downtown to Port Authority, for what I thought would be a blissful day of re-acquainting myself with a lost love.
Upon my arrival to Port Authority armed with a Metro Card and internet directions to the mall, I was surprised to find out I still needed more info to get to my bus. I began my search for a information desk only to find each one equipped with a sign that read " please visit our other location". Thoroughly frustrated after going through this rat race, I visited the police department in search of assistance. I was lucky to find a man who walked me to the ticket booths, and then walked me to the terminal. When I got to the terminal being as inquisitive as I am, I asked the bus man a few questions about the route. I was advised that 1) the buses ran every hour, 2) there was no such thing as a transfer, and a second fare would be paid, and 3) there was a Nordstrom in Wayne, NJ. My mind began thinking about other routes into NJ, so I went to visit the info booth. At the booth I found a woman who I figured hated her job, and probably used to work at the DMV, solely based on her attitude. Diva cut me off when I spoke,used a condescending tone, and sent me off with the same amount of info I approached her with. Thouroughly dismissed, I retreated to my bus gate and waited the dreaded 60 minutes until the bus arrived. On the bus ride over my confidence resurged, and I told myself I was an excellent researcher with no need for doubts.
When we arrived at my first stop I exited the bus in the small town of Springfield, NJ. I made my way over to my next bus stop cozily situated in front of a few mom & pop businesses. Eventually my patience got the best of me, and I began to ask the locals questions. I asked a nice restaurant owner if the mall was in walking distance, and he says I can certainly walk.
* Please note in an effort to save the vision of many people who will read this, I will truncate my story from this point on... if you want the un-edited version please look for my novel many years from now)
So basically I end up walking miles and miles by myself in the heat, on the sidewalk, then on the highway (there was no shoulder, just me, pavement, woodiness, and several really fast cars) until I meet a man who is doing some gardening. I ask the man how to get to the mall, to which he replies its about 4 more miles straight ahead. I continue my walk of death/desperation, when I notice a SUV slowing down behind me. I immediately think I am about to be kidnapped all in the name of fashion, when the man who had just given me directions (who by the way was crazy rich, and insanely gay) offered me a ride. Please believe I took several moments trying to rationalize my getting into a stranger's vehicle, but at that point I felt I had been through enough, and there was nothing that could stop me from reaching Mt. Nordstrom! Needless to say, I made it safely to the mall, we exchanged info, and he warned me about the dangers of walking on the highway by myself. I told him the next time he was in the city to give me a call, and i'd give hime the best table in the house.
Let me just sum up the ride back home to NY: 1 NJ bus, 1 NJ Transit train, 1 NJ Path Train, 1 NYC Subway, and 1 NYC Bus!!!!! WTF, if I don't deserve some sort of fashionista award, who does?