10/9/04

No sleep for the weary, bored, and heart-broken

So yesterday I had the worse sinus headache I can ever remember having in my life, so I broke-down and took some Tylenol Sinus DAY to help with my suffering. Sure enough, the day part was a lie. I was drowsy within minutes. I did everything I could to stay awake, but by 11pm I could no longer take it. I crawled into bed, just barely missing it, salivating at the thought of all the deep sleep that was about to occur- NOT!!! This medicine made me super drowsy yet, took away my ability to sleep. I tossed and turned what seemed like hours, but was actually only 2 before I got a call from the man I want, but who doesn't want me. We talked about various things in life, space, earth, including why we weren't together again. We stayed on the phone until 4am, and I was nowhere near sleepy. So I continued to toss and turn until 9am when I finally got out of bed to go meet the unattainable. He was leaving for a long international trip, and wanted to hang out beforehand. So we hung out for a few hours & got something to eat. I skipped class for this person. Upon leaving him at his home, saying goodbye really hurt as if it were actually the real thing. I have to leave here.... I'm not sure I can be around him like this, then again its hard to not be around him. I'm so fucked up in the head right now. I don't know why God would see fit to introduce my idea of the perfect man in my life, only to have him not want me. I'm so empty inside... I feel like a lonely lovebird without its partner...I can't help feeling this way. Its so hard to be strong and continue to feel these things. I don't want to live here near him, its much too much. Daggers through thine heart would not compare to the excruciating pain of this heartbreak.